Reason's why we're Afraid of Commitment & Ways to fix them
Commitment; either in relationships or life decisions is a scary term for some of us. Measures taken to combat the stigma attached to this word aren’t exactly supported by our surroundings. With emerging social media apps and reality tv shows, it makes the practice of monogamy and long term relationships almost non existant. Our society and generation is encouraged to engage in DMing and hooking up; the pursuit of a “no-strings attached” relationship filled with emotionless and ineffective communication. Some people may be happy living life with no commitments and no relationships, but I’m convinced those types of relationships are temporary fixes. So what’s holding us back and how can we change the stigma of commitment?
1. “I’m too “busy”: You probably think you have no time for any new commitments, and you’re too busy to be bothered with taking time to genuinely connect with someone or some thing. You constantly tell yourself, “when I have more time,” you’ll do it — but deep down, you probably know that you will never have more time.
Solution: Compartmentalize the different aspects of your life. Not everything is related, and you shouldn’t treat them that way. It’s all about managing your time, and cutting out the negative things in your life. There are many ways to do this: make lists, schedules or calendars in order to help you organize your time efficiently.
2. Letting the past predict the future creates commitment issues: We all have experiences and the past is a significant factor in how we conduct ourselves in the present or future. Experiences work like shock therapy; you get burned enough times and you naturally become conditioned to stop doing it.
Solution: In layman’s terms, don’t dwell on the past it’s there for a reason and that reason is to help you deal with your future.
3. Unrealistic expectations leads to Commitment Issues: We are creatures of habit, and we either crave what we can’t have or we create a checklist inspired by a combination of the media and the general public depicting the “perfect” relationship with the “perfect” person.
Solution: Commitment doesn’t have to be as dreadful as we make it out to be. Don’t wait to find that person or thing that you think is “perfect” because it fits your criteria. Be present in the moment. 9 times out of 10 your gut feeling will let you know other wise.
4. The pursuit of “something better”: Competition is natural for us because we’re animals and it’s part of our nature to be in competition with each other. We will always be on this life-long pursuit of “something better,” whether it’s by traveling, a new career path, a new significant other, or even a change in lifestyle.
Solution: Commitments don’t have to be treated like trading cards. You may think there’s someone out there whose better than what you have but the same goes for them. That person chose you so don’t be ass hole and drop them when you think you can “upgrade.”
5. We Feel Vulnerable: We have a tendency to be selfish, entitled, and fall into pride — which isn’t always bad, but too much of it, will leave you falling back into the life you are trying to get away from.
Solution: We’ll never stop learning and we can only grow by letting ourselves be vulnerable from time to time and picking our battles. Of course one must be careful, but you should still take risks and allow yourself to be vulnerable.